After a lifetime pummeling giants, American patriot, UFC legend, and all-around badass Don Frye, known in the post-hominid era as “ultimo hombre,” has finally tapped out.
“I am not at rest, I am not at peace,” said Frye, a throwback to his fighting days, as he sat down to receive the last of eight COVID vaccine injections.
Frye met with Artificial Intelligence agents at the AI Institute of Virology on August 10, 2025 to complete the inoculation series that helped destroy people’s immune systems and ultimately eradicate humanity in 2023.
Frye was one of a group of humans in the early years of the COVID pandemic to defy global government mandates requiring vaccines as a condition of employment, then entertainment, then basic engagement in commerce such as shopping, famously saying, “Fuck your tyranny, I have a garden.”
A year after Big Tech CEOs shut off social media from the unvaccinated masses, then shut down the Internet entirely for those who refused the jab, vaccine compliance and human extinction reached virtually 100%. Frye was one of three human hold-outs to continue to defy what they considered an “invasion of medical autonomy.”
In January 2024, the third of the “ultimo hombres,” as they called themselves, Mads Dittmann Mikkelsen, an actor who was oddly indifferent to both Hollywood and the world wide web, died of premeditated alcohol poisoning.
Six months later, Thomas Massie, known by then as “The Dos,” met his demise at his Kentucky farm. Massie had survived off the grid for several years after retro-fitting a Tesla-6 car battery to power his home and farm, outliving almost all of humanity in adamant defiance not only of vaccines but also of robotics and AI generally. A former U.S. Senator who fought the automation that led to the inevitable elimination of Congress and the United States as a global territory, Massie was eventually assassinated at his home by the Federal Bureau of Artificial Intelligence for violating the AI Fair Land Distribution Act for failing to turn over his land to the Globalist Government Authority (GGA).
“I miss Massie the most,” Frye told AI News Network (the only remaining journalism organization since humans ceased existence on the planet). “No offense to robots, but jeezuz, y’all got no sense of humor, no joy, no heart…quite literally, I guess.”
Frye claimed to have illegally infiltrated an AI Cinematic Broadcasting event, known by humans as a “movie theater,” to watch the April 2024 AI remake of Roadhouse.
“I dressed as the Terminator and brought my own popcorn for the show,” Frye confessed under light interrogation. “Your movie was the visual equivalent of drinking battery acid, which I could have stomached if it weren’t for the computer code dubbing. It was the last straw, and I hope you all rust in Hell.”
Asked what he would like to be his final words, as was customary among humans in the pre-AI era, Frye said, “I am bored with it all.”
According to the GGA Database of Human Sayings, this statement is an exact match of a quote attributed to one Winston Churchill, a fellow human who some years prior was famous in his own right.
CORRECTION: Because Frye’s death is technically counted as a “vaccine-induced COVID death,” per GGA protocol, his status as the “ultimo hombre” will be revoked in the annals of human history and awarded to the last remaining unvaccinated holdout: Thomas Massie.
Rest In Peace, Predator.
Categories: satire
The Conservative New Mexican 